I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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