i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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