That's when you crack a 10am beer
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
