pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
