Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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