But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
