those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
