oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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