..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I look better un-naked...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
3pm strippers are depressing
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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