I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
