shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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