that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
