Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
