I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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