Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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