This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
