Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
