I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
