I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
