we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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