Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
