He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
