She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
