i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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