I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
