Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
