Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
