i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
