Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
