The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
