I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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