he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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