I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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