I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
