I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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