Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
