im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
