The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
