just come out here and I will go home with you...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
