If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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