I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
