So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drake has all the answers
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
