It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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