I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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