thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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