I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this just has baby written all over it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.