On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
only you would photoshop your dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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