I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
