By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
