Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
