You made me cry and you don't even care
there's paper in my vomit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.