So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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