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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?

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• (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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• (310): View more from California

  Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box

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• (409): View more from Texas

  I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.

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• (818): View more from California

  Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator

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