You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
