this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
