I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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