Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
