Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
