Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
