new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
