your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
