We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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