my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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