I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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