Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
