she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
