i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This baby is an asshole
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
