He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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