I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
