my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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