You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
