Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
