Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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