SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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