Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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