I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
