Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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