she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
