I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize