so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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