I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
